Sporadic Spouse Speaks

Julie, your sporadic hostess, has momentarily stepped aside and requested that I, her worse half, fill her shoes and step in as a guest blogger. And, boy, do they pinch my toes! har har Today I share with you the wonder that I have creatively coined APPLE CAKE WITH CREAM FROSTING. I've been using this recipe for many moons and don't honestly remember to whom it should be attributed. But I think I may have lifted it from a Norweigian cookbook. So three cheers for our blonde haired, Kringla snarfing, Norski brethren. Hip hip, uff da! Hip hip, uff da! Hip hip, uff da! This is pretty basic stuff as anything complicated would make my head explode I am a novice cook. Following are the ingredients for the cake: 2 eggs 2 cups sugar 1/2 cup veggie oil 1 teaspoon salt 2 cups flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1 teaspoon vanilla 4 cups apples Vigorously and cruelly beat the eggs into full submission, wantonly mix in all the dry ingredients with blatant disregard for their comfort and well-being, and viciously beat in the apples. A word of warning -- this is a very stiff batter. You really have to work it to mix this bad boy up. Regular utilization of this recipe could leave you with overly-muscled, grossly out of proportion, unsightly Popeyesque biceps. So make sure you switch mixing arms at regular intervals to avoid the jeering and ridicule of strangers. As far as the apples are concerned, I would recommend just using your favorite. I used Galas for this batch because they were on special at Food City they are a flavorful taste treat. I think strong & sweet works best. My best of these cakes have used Gala or Fuji. The pedestrian, less tangy Red Delicious made for a rather bland cake. And, though I've not tried it, I don't believe the tartness of a green apple would lend itself well to this concoction. Also, rather than dicing them, I prefer to core and quarter the apples and then slice them length-wise as thinly as possible. The diced apples leave a rather chunky texture whereas my preferred method bakes in for a mostly homogenous, uniform blend. But if chunky is your thing, chunk away! I ain't judgin', I'm just sayin'... Place batter in a greased 9" x 13" x 2" pan. Cake bakes in about 45 minutes at 350 degrees. The frosting is also nice and simple for puddingheaded imbeciles novice cooks like myself. Just mix together the following ingredients and make sure there is enough left to cover the cake after you've done the requisite taste tests. 3 ounces of goopy cream cheese (soften first) 3 tablespoons butter Pinch o' salt 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar For the cake shown, I used maple extract instead of vanilla. I know, I know. I know what you're thinking, "Hold him back! He's a wild man!" It's all good.

Next time, I might even use anise extract for black licorice cream cheese frosting. I'm just really adventerous like that. That's how I roll.